You are good!
Maybe you’ve done some bad things in your life, but that doesn’t mean you are bad.
When I was 20 years old I did something really, really bad.
Something that made me feel like I was a rotten human being and almost no one knows about because I hate remembering I ever did such a thing.
To tell you the truth, I’m only talking about it now because I can’t think of a less revealing way to illustrate my above point: we’ve all made mistakes but we’re all still good!
So, at age 20 I moved in with my boyfriend. One night, we got into a heated argument as we were getting ready for bed. I wasn’t much for yelling, and we had roommates who slept in the room next to ours so we had to keep it down, but I was angry at him and I wanted him to know it.
So, I kicked him out of bed. A bed he’d paid for in a room he paid half of the rent for.
Not only did I kick him out of bed, but I kicked him out of our room! Why? Because I was angry and because I knew it would be embarrassing when our roommates found him on the couch in the living room in the morning. I wanted him to feel bad.
Sweet Danielle not so sweet now, huh? Yep, I can be kind of a jerk sometimes.
Looking back 18 years later, I don’t know why I did such a thing. I certainly hadn’t seen that behavior modeled at home. Maybe I picked it up from a movie? Who knows.
At any rate, the next morning I felt terrible about how I had behaved. I don’t remember if I apologized immediately, but I do remember I made a decision never to do that again.
Kicking someone out of their own bed is no way to treat another human being, especially someone you love (and who owns at least half the bed). I’d let anger consume me, and I’d lashed out in a way that was hurtful. I did something bad, but that doesn’t make me bad.
The first layer of loving yourself so ferociously that you can survive anything that happens in life (even divorce) is to remember YOU ARE GOOD, no matter how many times you have screwed up.
You’ve done some bad things, but you’ve learned from them and done better since then, right? Forgive yourself. We’ve all made mistakes (and will make plenty more). Just do your best and remind yourself that those mistakes have made you who you are now.
You are still good. (I promise it’s true)